Repentance
by Saiyachick
Summary: I spat at my reflection and pulled back my fist. I punched the deceitful mirror and watched as it broke into millions of tiny pieces. Just like my family. Just like my willpower. Just like Edward.../Jasper's POV/


Disclaimer: I own many things but the Twilight series is not one of them. All rights are deserved to Stephenie Meyers.

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**Repentance**

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I gazed at the reflection staring back at me.

Pathetic.

A low growl escaped my lips as I thought of what happened that night. It could've been avoided, but alas, I ruined everything. I ruined them. I'm a disgrace to this family and I hope within time everyone can forgive me-if I can forgive myself.

I'm sickened at myself when I look into the mirror. Shameful. The burning desire for human blood clouded my eyes. I felt sick every time I thought of the night's events. What a way to celebrate a birthday.

Much to my dismay, I could recall every detail. It started out innocent enough-a few laughs at Bella's expense when she realized Rosalie, Emmett, and I bought her a new stereo-but then _it_ happened.

It was as if time stood still. A laugh. A tear. A single drop of blood. All of a sudden, I felt myself launch towards Bella, the scent of her sweet, floral blood burning in my throat. I heard Edward roar with rage and shield Bella away from me; our bodies collided. The desire to suck her dry increased when the pile of glass Bella landed in bit her skin and oozed more precious blood.

I heard myself snarling and snapping, trying to take a bite of her delicate flesh until I heard orders being shouted. I felt Emmett's iron grip fiercely tug me away. As Rosalie and Emmett dragged me off, my gazed shifted towards Alice for a brief moment.

That's when I realized what I had done. The look in her eyes tore me apart. Her face was contorted with sadness and regret. Remorse washed over my body and I began to tremble once we were outside. I wanted to reach out to her and repent my woes-but I couldn't.

Moments later, Edward came outside. I could only imagine how I looked. Emmett said I looked strange-different than I had when we hunted. I tried to speak to Edward, the guilt consumed me, but the words failed to reach my lips. He said he forgave me, but I could feel the tension and resentment he felt towards me. It was then I heard Edward talking to us in a grave voice. His tone was strict as he told us to pack up and leave. I figured that this would happen.

The next day I was in Denali with my family. I still couldn't speak to Alice or anyone directly. I couldn't even look Esme and Carlisle in their eyes. When I asked for Edward, Alice told me that he stayed behind with Bella. I shrugged to myself and thought the situation was temporary. Everyone would return to Forks after my _rehab_-but I was wrong. A few days later Edward arrived. I expected him to tell us that we were going to return to Forks; that was until I felt the atmosphere change rapidly.

Once Edward was in our presence, I felt a heavy anguish settle upon me. My body quaked from such strong emotion and I looked into Edward's eyes. They were hollow. The usual spark that occupied his constant topaz eyes was gone. Then it hit me.

We weren't going back to Forks.

Edward didn't speak. He went directly to his living quarters and isolated himself for days at a time, only escaping to hunt every so often. When I walked past his room tonight, I heard a heavy, dry sob. It was Edward. I listened closely and heard another distinct, quiet wail of despair and realized it was Alice. The two were having an intense conversation.

I heard Edward tell Alice to refrain from seeing or checking up on Bella. He explained to Alice that he promised to Bella that she would never see any of us again. I heard the low whimpers from Alice increase as she argued with Edward about Bella; I couldn't bear to listen anymore. My mind spun out of control. What had I done? I spiraled into a dark hole of misery and depression after I realized I caused everyone an intense pain.

That's how I ended up here, staring at the shameful face before me. My face.

No matter how much everyone told me it wasn't my fault, it was. I was the only one who tried to butcher Bella that night and over what? I was about to murder my brother's mate-his love-and all for what? Blood lust. I managed to hurt my family harshly by restricting them from seeing Bella. Edward might have ordered it, but I was the cause.

I hurt my family over something so vile and repulsive. The only mood I didn't manage to kill was Rosalie's. That wasn't saying much. A twinge of regret shook my body as I realized I never got to apologize to Bella personally.

It was too late for me.

I spat at my reflection and pulled back my fist. I punched the deceitful mirror and watched as it broke into millions of tiny pieces.

Just like my family…

Just like my willpower…

_Just like Edward._


End file.
